2008 Reflections [part 2]

Reflections of myself in 2008.

2008 has been a rough year for me, being diagnosed with cancer after falling terribly ill during the early days of May.

I've been talking about the processes I face during my fight with cancer, but I haven't really reveal my thoughts and feelings through the whole thing.

When the doctor told me that I have cancer, my initial reaction was unlike anyone's. I actually accepted it and didn't feel sad at first. Maybe perhaps I have been anticipating it coming, as my health wasn't good ever since June last year. And when the doctor told me there was a cure, I was relieved, as finally the pain I have been gradually experiencing in my chest will be solved.

Ah, 0722 peeps that visited me on the first day must have saw me wiping away some tears. Actually that were not tears of sadness, it's the body wipes soap still on my hands, so when I rubbed my eyes, tears flow out LOL.

Then chemotherapy started to kick in. I think the whole chemotherapy process is perhaps one of the worst moments of my life. Having to sit for hours as chemicals are spammed into you. Boredom is one thing, having to stay in hospital for one week every 3 weeks. Side-effects are another. The loss in appetite is unbearable, and I remember by the last cycle of chemotherapy, I had no appetite for everything and only ate a few biscuits per day. Vomitting too gets worse as time passes by, initially the anti-nausea medicines were working, but by the last cycle, they were ineffective. Had to resort to sleeping to escape from reality.

And then there was difficulty in catching up in schoolwork. Fatigue set in but I continued to push myself, despite knowing that I probably couldn't catch up. At last, I realised that some things cannot be forced, and decided not to take my A Levels this year.

Then operation came. To be honest, I feared death then. But thankfully, operation was successful, tumour is gone, and now I need to be monitored for the next 5 years in case of there is a relapse.

Of course, after the operation, I stayed at home. And my social life was in tatters. I grew distant from my friends, and I stared at the computer screen for whole day. Often, there were times I asked why did this happen to me. However, I am a strong believer that things do happen for a reason, and this is fate. Life is full of challenges and I must learn to accept it.

One thing I regret during my long "holiday" is not maximising my time to revise. As of now I am in deep shit, oh well, I have a week to try to cover at least J1 schoolwork. Hope my trusty brain is still working, albeit a bit rusty.

In conclusion, I must say I am extremely glad for being given the opportunity to live life to the fullest again. The whole experience made me step back and think of how valuable life is.

I know it's going to be a bit hard for me next year, considering that I will have to be extremely independent in order to survive school.
However, let's hope 2009 will be a fantastic year for all of us! =D

Happy New Year everyone!

P.S Resolutions tomorrow. Lol.